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From the Land of "Fatdom"

9/14/2010

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So, I haven't been updating as frequently because my schedule has a tendency to implode. I didn't even exercise at all this week. That being said, I've had a number of things going on which have prevented me from sticking to said schedule. BUT (and you know there's always a but) even though I have not exercised, and I even indulged a bit, I managed to lose yet another couple of pounds, which brought my total loss up to 142 pounds. I'm not trying to gloat here. What I'm trying to say, is that once you set your body on the right path, it will do it's thing. My metabolism is finally working properly, so that even if I mess up for a couple of days, there's a grace period, provided I don't push my luck. That means that I can have a treat maybe twice a week, but a piece of that ooey gooey yummy cocoa and cream cake is going to tip the scales if I eat it everyday. Despite the fact that Jane down the road can eat her face off and down a tub of Ben & Jerry's and still hover around 130 pounds, my body cannot handle that kind of treatment and will eventually explode to unmanageable proportions.

I think our bodies are well oiled machines; take care of them and they'll take care of you. Imagine a car that you drive hard, forget to change the oil, neglect to replace break pads, skip the engine flush, and don't bother with rust proofing. How much life do you think you will get out of that car, even if one day you decide to fix what is broken? The damage would have been done and the rust will have eaten through the break lines and the frame. Keep your body in tip top shape and it will drive you from point A to point B. Treat it with respect and it will provide you with the same courtesy. Okay, now that I've managed to say that with a straight face, let's move on.

I would like to give you some insight into the aftermath of the storm so to speak. Approximately 3 weeks into maintenance and after following a strict regimen where I am finally "free" (if that is what you want to call it) from the shackles of fatdom, I can tell you that it feels good to walk down the street and have no one give me the sympathy look. Seriously, it's so good to just blend in. I know people normally want to stand out, but I am so glad to just blend into the background. It's an incredibly comforting thought that I am now not special in that fat way.

What I find difficult and still a struggle is the fact that I have to constantly bridge the gap in my mind between what is healthy and unhealthy. I still have to talk myself into NOT eating an extra muffin, or that chocolate bar that's been hanging out in the cupboard for the last month. I have to coax and massage my mind to let go of the idea that it needs those chocolate chip pretzels also sitting in the cupboard (which happen to be right next to the chocolate bar - I tell ya, those things come with their own posse, and the powers of be are conspiring against me, and what is that stuff doing in my cupboard anyway and who bought it?) Surely, this is not what "skinny bitches" (because that's what many people call me nowadays; it's become a term of endearment at this point) think about all day. Ah yes, this is what fat people have to put up with, because I am still fat on the inside, and let me just say that I don't say fat with a negative connotation, but if you've been following this blog then you already know that I have no problem with the word fat. I just think it's accurate and also I'm a very busy and disjointed person with a self destructing schedule so I don't have time to type proper politically correct terms that all mean "fat" anyway.

Moving on, because I am still fat on the inside, I still hear whispers from the kitchen. That darn KitKat bar is calling out to me but I have to continuously dampen it's plea for me to come eat it until it's voice becomes background chatter. I have to tune it out like white noise, otherwise I'm just going to eat it and spoil my appetite which will prevent me from eating a good healthy bowl of green beans and roast chicken and then my life will spiral out of control and into a series of very miserable events that will cause the moon to split in half and the world to turn sideways which will lead me to shoot myself in the face (yes, I'm deranged, overworked and frazzled). Long story short, for now I am behaving and sticking to my plan of remaining healthy. I did it to become healthy and I want to stay healthy, so healthy it shall be. And now you'll have to excuse me because I have a function to go to this evening and there are people attending said function who are depending on me to make cupcakes.

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