I love Curvy Kate bras. They are elegant, supportive and made of good quality material. I own a few Curvy Kate bras in different styles and I really enjoy wearing them. However, the road to getting them to fit was quite arduous. It was confusing, frustrating and a time consuming process to find the right fit in Curvy Kate bras. After some extensive online research coupled with my own experience, I thought I'd share my findings. Please keep in mind that every woman's shape is different and what works for me might not work for you. I'm only sharing my opinion based on my experiences with the CK bras that I own.

Every brand of bras has it's pros and cons. I think Curvy Kate bras excel in the 'appeal' department. They really make very beautiful bras. Out of the hundreds of CK bras I've seen, I may have disliked only one bra because the colour did not suit my taste. Otherwise, CK bras are very pretty and feminine (always a bonus). Don't get me wrong though, I love industrial bras too (referred to as "ugly bras" by my husband) but they have a time and place. I do not think of CK bras as industrial. They are supportive enough for everyday wear yet elegant enough for a special occasion. They are also quite affordable. Curvy Kate bras are not as cheap as department store bras (which are very low quality in my opinion and in this case you really get what you pay for) but they won't break the bank either. More often than not, I find them on sale in many online stores, sometimes even up to 70% off on fashion colours, which makes them a steal at that point.

I've heard from many women as well as store owners that Curvy Kate bras are not very supportive. I personally think that this is untrue but I believe I understand why some might see CK bras that way. Over the course of the last year I've tried on several Curvy Kate bras through online and local stores. I found that Curvy Kate bras are supportive when they are in the correct size. They work fine and will even look okay initially but they will not offer enough support if not in the proper size, which for me felt very much like a game of Where's Waldo. Not only that, but also it took me a while to figure out that I am wearing the wrong size CK bra because with many CK bras, the tell-tale signs of bad fit are not very visible. Instead, CK bras tend to give an odd shape to the breast. I'll talk about that in a bit. Upon discovering this, and to prove the theory to myself, I tried one specific bra in multiple sizes. Sure enough, I did not get quadraboob (at least not initially), and I did not get any side spilling. However, the shape was all wrong.

Let's talk about shape. Different bras give different shapes. What may be ideal for one woman, may be undesirable for another. Not every woman thinks of shapes the same way. Some women think that a round shape is the ideal one for them. Some prefer a more natural shape. And some prefer a pointy shape. Of course, these are my own interpretations of the shapes down to the names. I am not sure if others even refer to them that way but the best way to demonstrate what those shapes are, from my perspective, is through pictures. Observe..

For me, all those shapes are good. It all depends on what I'm wearing. As a fuller bust girl/woman/lady (although the lady part is most likely debatable), I know that my boobs often enter the room before I do. It's just the natural order of things. I make no attempts to hide my boobs (and I hate minimizer bras by the way) because they are a part of me. I often tell women who feel ashamed of their breast size that they have nothing to be ashamed of and that if others are uncomfortable with big boobs then that's their problem. It's not like we can magically wave a wand and shrink our boobs. My breasts are there and they're mine (although my husband seems to think they're his). Deal with it and move on. That's the attitude I project when I'm at the mall and some ditsy fart with perfectly shaped C cups gives my chest the evil eye and assumes that I belong on a street corner or a porn set. For those women, I will flaunt my boobs. I am proud. I am woman. Hear me roar. Yada yada, etc. Moving on...

I definitely prefer a round shape under t-shirts and tight fitting clothes. Bras that give me a round shape often lift my breasts dramatically and project them forward. I often prefer a natural shape if I'm wearing more formal clothes like silk blouses or dresses with soft flow material. A natural shape also gives me a little bit of an hourglass figure when viewed from the front so I find it ideal under dresses and thin blouses. Bras that give a pointy shape, commonly referred to as the 'Madonna Boob', are not everyone's cup of tea. I, for one, do not prefer this shape under dresses or shirts. I have two pointy shape bras that give me incredible support and are super comfortable. Mind you, they are very industrial and almost matronly but they are ideal on days when I will be moving a lot, doing heavy lifting and other annoying things like buying groceries, doing laundry and reorganizing closets. I prefer pointy shape bras under sweaters, jackets and thick clothing. Essentially, I wear pointy bras under anything that already makes me look square or clothing that doesn't give me a particular shape. Pointy bras are great for days when I just want to hide under a rock, usually when things are not going my way. Pointy bras are equally good for days when I want to find a black hole to crawl into, such as when the cups are not all lined perfectly in the cupboard. It is OCD central in this house. Anyway...

In general, Curvy Kate bras do not give me a pointy shape. In fact, I have yet to come across one that does. I find that CK bras give me a very natural shape. They do not lift up my breasts as high as some of my other bras, such as Freya, Fantasie and Panache (which actually give me a very uplifted round shape) but CK bras are supportive when I get fitted in the right size. And herein lies the problem. My biggest beef with Curvy Kate bras is the inconsistency in sizing between the different models. Sometimes even the same bra in a different colour will fit differently. It's borderline maddening! 

When I wear a CK bra in the right size, I almost always end up with a natural shape which is the desired effect. It's also hard to get comfortable in some of the bras because I find that CK suits women with wider shoulders. I have narrow shoulders and when I wear a brand new CK bra I always get the dreaded chafing at the shoulder, where the strap meets the cup. This is partly due to my shape, I guess, as I'm narrow and boney at the shoulders. I don't have much meat around that area though I'm working on building muscle there so I can lift grocery bags without tipping over. But in all fairness that is a design issue which I can't really fault Curvy Kate for. I just have tiny shoulders. Thankfully, after a few washes the bra softens and the chafing goes away.

The first Curvy Kate bra I bought was the Emily. I fell in love with it because it looked so elegant but I could not get it to fit right no matter how hard I tried. It started to slowly slide down my torso into the smaller part of my waist and so after wearing the bra for an hour I would end up with a very odd shape, almost like a square/triangle/trapezoid. I didn't really get quadraboob, rather a slight bubble at the top edge of the cup. It looked like I am about to spill out yet not really spilling. It turns out that the band was too big. 

I realize that in most cases a band that is too big will ride up, but I am certain that there are other women out there who are built like me with narrow shoulders and a narrow ribcage that kind of curves in towards the waist so that bras sometimes will slide down with the weight of the breasts. Basically the band slides down and so my breasts do not fill the cup entirely and I get spillage at the top of the cup. I have to thank Claire of Butterfly Collection for this discovery. I didn't realize that I was not filling the cup until I talked to her. She brought my attention to the fact that just because I'm spilling out of the cup does not necessarily mean that the bra is too small and that I shouldn't discard a bra until I make sure that I am filling the cup all the way. It's when I looked into why I am not filling the cup that I accidentally discovered why Curvy Kate gives such a weird shape.

In brands like Freya, Panache, and Fantasie, 30G is my size in most of their various styles. Even when I go with a different size in another brand like say Cleo, I tend to take 30GG in most of their bras. My size in most styles of those brands remains consistent. However, with Curvy Kate bras, my size is all over the map depending on the style. Here is an example of my favourite CK bras in the sizes that fit and at the same time give me a nice natural shape:

When you look at the sizes above it makes you wonder if I'm just a lunatic. But the truth is, Curvy Kate sizes seem inconsistent and many people share the same frustration I have. One redeeming quality to all this is the fact that an ill fitting CK bra will not look horrible. If I wear a Panache bra that's too small I get the dreaded quadraboob; if the Panache bra is too big then the band rides up and I get no support at all. On the other hand, with Curvy Kate bras (especially if I'm only off by one size) I get a very distinct shape...

The first time I tried the Emily I opted for my usual size of 30G. It looked fine initially but then 20 minutes later I got this square like shape you see above. I didn't know it at the time but it turns out this is what Curvy Kate looks like when it's too small. So I went back to the store and I tried the 30GG. I got the shape you see in the middle and it was huge. I had wrinkling at the top and the straps would not stay up even though I had them pretty tight. I left the store thinking that the Emily is just not for me. But I couldn't get over the colours. I just loved the bra and couldn't let it go. It's not until I came across this post by Bras I Hate that I realized how the sizing works in Curvy Kate. Thanks to her, I was able to go back and keep trying different sizes until I discovered that the Emily looks absolutely PERFECT on me in 28H. However, I discovered that 28H doesn't work for me in other CK styles. When I tried  a black CK Princess in 28H for example, I couldn't even hook it. I had to wear it with an extender on the loosest setting and I still got a bit of that square shape. In 30H, the black Princess fits perfectly. Yet the Princess in other colours like pink or wine is too big in 30H and I end up with no support at all. Instead, the 28GG in the pink or wine fits perfectly. 

I realize that 28GG, 30G, 28H, 30GG, and 32G are sister sizes and that many women can get away with that in some bras. In my case, I cannot. And definitely not with Curvy Kate bras. I have to be spot on with the sizing otherwise I don't get that natural shape and instead end up with either a square trapezoid shape or a droopy triangle shape. I also find the inconsistency between colours to be quite frustrating. It's especially annoying when ordering online because I can't just order a bra I like in a different colour. There is always a good chance that it will fit differently and returns are always a hassle especially for international orders. Case in point; the blue Portia fits good in 32G; the purple Portia fits good in 30G. Yet, in bras like the Emily and Tease Me, the size is consistent across colours respectively. Go figure!

In summary, I think Curvy Kate makes some stunning bras and I really hope that they can make their sizing more consistent in the future. As it stands now, any time I see a Curvy Kate bra that I like, it's always a gamble as to whether it will fit. Despite all this madness, I think Curvy Kate bras are beautiful enough that I would go through the trouble of trying to find the size that fits me best. The bras are also affordable and so a little bit of effort goes a long way. Okay, maybe a lot of effort but still, I think CK bras are too pretty to give up on them. Even though I have issues with the sizing, I'd say that Curvy Kate bras are among my favourites. I find myself reaching for one at least twice a week. Simply put, Curvy Kate bras are pretty, supportive and fairly comfortable. And when they fit properly, they look gorgeous.

To learn more about the latest styles of Curvy Kate bras you can visit them here. 

Truth be told I am not fond of the local bra stores we have in this province. Department stores, even the ones claiming that they have a professional fitter on staff, do not fit women in the proper size. The cup sizes on those bras are dismal and only go up to a DD which encourages bra fitters to put women in the wrong size so they can sell the product. Local bra boutiques that sell D-K cups are not much better. Despite the fact that they sell bras in larger cup sizes and smaller bands, I have a few major issues with them. They seem to follow the same questionable practices that big department stores do.


Favouring the sale over the fit
I've gone into several of the local bra boutiques in the city many times throughout the past year. My pet peeve with those stores is the saleswoman's attempt to sell me a Chantelle bra. It never fails. It's a different fitter every time, but it's the same brand and style of bra that they try to sell, not just to me, but to other women as well. I've had some of my friends test this theory in the name of research. I fail to understand why the saleswomen do that. The stores carry other brands like Freya, Fantasie, and Curvy Kate; they carry those bras in my size too, but I'm always given three or four Chantelle bras every time I enter the store. Chantelle is not a bad brand but I find that their bras do not work for me at all. They are just horrible on me. In my usual size, the cups are all wrinkled and I'm floating in them. When I go down a size (either in band or cup) I do not get the quadraboob effect, but I get a lot of side bubbling and a weird east and west shape that points down. It's just not a brand for me. Also, the selection of Chantelle bras in the store is not good. There are no vibrant colours - they're either black, white or nude and the styles are very grandmotherly. Chantelle bras sold in the local stores cost about $130 plus tax, on average. Compared to Freya and Curvy Kate bras which range from $80 to $95, Chantelle bras are expensive and not nearly as attractive. Furthermore, once you try one Chantelle bra, (that the saleswoman happens to think fits properly), she stops suggesting other models and will not bring in any other brands. Instead, she will focus on trying to sell you that Chantelle bra. It's almost as if you have to know what brand suits your shape first before going into the store and specifically asking to try those brands on, while in the same breath explaining to the salesclerk that you do not like Chantelle. Some of them might even ask why - like somehow it's a problem, or that it's something they can fix.

Inexperienced fitters
I'm not a professional bra fitter, and never claim to be. I'm just a person who is interested in the subject and have only recently discovered bras that are made for small women with big breasts. Through extensive online research and conversations with professional bra fitters I've come to learn a lot about bras in general. I am able to tell the difference between a properly fitting bra and an ill-fitting one. I'm quite familiar with many of the big brands and can appreciate the pros and cons of many styles. I understand the target audience for those brands and can determine if certain styles will fit me based on the demographic I fall into. That being said, I still have nowhere near the amount of experience or knowledge that a professional fitter ought to bring to the table. It's pretty bad when even I can spot an ill-fitting bra in the local store whereas the professional fitter thinks it's a good fit. If I can tell that the wire is not wide enough and is digging into the side of the breast, then the professional fitter is either inexperienced or not paying attention. When my friends and I went into the local store last week, something strange happened. Slowly but surely, each one went into the room to try on the bra and after the fitter went in to "help" with the fit, each girl would ask me to come in and see if the fitter did a good job. If the customer has no confidence in the fitter, then she is less likely to buy the right bra and equally less likely to get fitted again. Bra shopping is already a harrowing experience for many women but add to that a fitter who is unable to establish a connection with the customer means no one will benefit in the end, especially the woman who is looking for a proper fitting bra. Sadly, in this instance, for most of my friends I recommended a different size, despite the advice of the fitter. When they tried my suggestions, they were much happier with the fit (the digging was gone, or the tightness in the back stopped, etc.) which is something I think a professional fitter should be able to address.

Selling what the customer wants not what she needs
In the lingerie industry, I think bras fit like a suit in many ways. A man can go into a suit store, choose the style and colour, but the fit is determined by the tailor or the person fitting the customer, because presumably they know better about fit. A good bra fitter knows that the majority of women walking into the store are wearing the wrong size bra. It stands to reason that a woman who's wearing a size 40DD would complain about a 34FF size bra and would even go so far as to say it hurts. That's because she's obviously not used to wearing a properly fitted bra and she came into the store with the common notion that if you feel the bra, then it's too tight. In truth, a good bra fitter knows that "feeling" a bra is actually necessary for proper fit. If the band is not hugging the frame, then it will not support the weight of the breasts and the shoulders end up carrying it. Too many times, I've seen the fitter go up in band size and down in cup to accommodate a customer who's wearing the wrong size but wants her new bra to feel like the old ill-fitting one. When that happens, I don't think the fitter is doing the customer any favours because the customer is still in the wrong size bra and may encounter other fit problems. She may no longer experience pain in her shoulders because the band is tighter, but she may find that the wires now poke her soft breast tissue because the cup is still too small. The end result is the customer still buys an ill-fitting bra and the store makes money. There's something wrong with this picture. I think a good fitter should be able to read the woman she is fitting. Some women are not ready to admit, even to themselves, that they require a larger cup size to accommodate their breasts. Many women get hung up on the numbers and letters without understanding the relationship between the band and cup sizes. In their eyes anything above a DD is massive, when in reality that DD means absolutely nothing without the band size (due to the inverse sizing relationship between band size and cup size). Surely, a good bra fitter would know that. And she would also know that there is no point in trying to fit someone who is not ready to be fitted. Fitting a woman in the wrong size to accommodate the number or letter she feels comfortable with is completely detrimental to a proper fitting (and kinda daft). Breasts and underbust determine fit, not the measuring tape (although that could help immensely) and not the media. 

No Returns, Refunds or Exchanges
The hefty price tag that comes with each bra sold in the local stores does not come with a guarantee. Unlike many online vendors, once you set foot outside of the local store, the bra you bought is yours for life whether you're happy with it or not. Local stores do not refund, return or exchange any bras that have been bought and paid for, even if the tag is still on it, the bra has not been worn or washed, and is in resalable condition. That tells me that a) they do not care about fit, because as you may very well know, it takes at least twenty minutes if not a few hours before you can truly tell how comfortable or uncomfortable a new bra is, and b) they do not understand bras very well, because a new bra may initially look good, but as breasts settle in and shift, the bra may not feel comfortable or look good any more, both of which are valid reasons for not wanting to wear it again. I don't know about you but if I'm shelling out $130 on a bra, I expect it to perform in accordance with that price tag (or maybe even wash the dishes every once in a while). I really like to get my money's worth. That means I do not want to worry about wires digging, bands chafing, boobs spilling, or straps slipping or digging. In general, I expect it to fit perfectly. If or when it doesn't, I would like to be able to return it. But to take my hard earned money, improperly fit me, claim to be better than department stores and then refuse to return my money when the bra fails to deliver - well, that sounds like a bad business practice. This is one area where online stores excel and why they remain to be a favourable option for many women. Not only are the prices a lot more affordable (in many cases the same bra costs one quarter of the price than in the local store) but also many of these online stores provide truly hassle free returns and exchanges. Some of them even offer free shipping. Local stores need to wise up before it's too late.

In our small city of Halifax and surrounding areas, I have yet to come across a professional fitter who is actually good at what she does. Some have come close but inevitably they always try to make a sale using one of the above tactics. This is why I have resorted to buying online. I go to the local stores to try the bras and see which ones fit me best. Once I figure that out, I order the bras I like through online vendors. In the past two months, I have helped fit more than a dozen women. I'm starting to wonder if I should get into the business or at least collaborate with some of the good fitters out there. In my opinion, the best bra fitter I've ever come across is Claire Dumican, the owner of Butterfly Collection. She's been spot on with every problem I've encountered with my bras so far. She helped me figure out my correct size and was even kind enough to help me with the fit of other bras that I bought elsewhere. She may not be a veteran of the bra fitting campaigns of the previous century but I think she's better at fitting than many of the seasoned bra fitters at the local stores here. Claire is my "go to" person when I have a bra problem. Her customer service skills are exemplary and she's just downright amazing. Too bad she's based out of Vancouver. We could use her help out here in the east coast!

I recently read a statistic which claimed that more than 80% of women are wearing the wrong size bra. It might seem ridiculous, but think about it for a second. How many of us actually know our body measurements? I mean, yes, I've gone to Sears, and the old lady with the thick glasses and heavy accent told me (after lots of hmming and umming) that my bra size is 36DD. I often wondered how they arrive at that number. They would have you believe that there is some sort of NASA devised formula especially designed to accurately determine boobie size by measuring this part here and adding 4 inches there, etc. Really? And then after you buy the bra and wear it for a month, you discover that your back is rubbed raw, your neck is screaming with pain, and your shoulders have permanent grooves. Meanwhile, your boobs are trying to talk to your knees because no one upwards is listening.

Well, my boobs have finally rebelled. When I was heavier, it wasn't apparent. I had aches and pains in the majority of my body. My neck and back aches were often attributed to the extra weight I'm carrying around the tummy and shoulders on my small frame. When I lost 140 pounds, the pain became excruciating and much more pronounced. After a considerable amount of research I've finally found out why. I am wearing the wrong size bra (insert light bulb moment here). It turns out that I needed a much smaller band and much larger cup size. I am most definitely not a 36DD. Instead, I am a proud 30G. Take that Sears, ha!

See, what most women don't know is a) the lady at Sears is TOTALLY wrong, b) that formula they stole from NASA doesn't actually work on well endowed chests, and c) women do not have to "put up with the pain" because they have big bouncy boobs. This whole business of adding 4 inches stops working once you hit the D cup. Oh and did you know that cup sizes go all the way to K, and I've heard that there will be a size N soon! Amazing isn't it?

In our current miserable bra market, local stores would have you believe that a big woman has big boobs and a small woman has small boobs. How many department stores do you know of that carry a size 32J or a 44B? In those stores, the smaller the number, the smaller the cup, and vice versa. It's like saying big women have long hair and small women have short hair. Doesn't that sound utterly ridiculous and nonsensical? The fact of the matter is, women come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Breasts also come in different shapes and sizes. A big woman can have small breasts and a small woman can most definitely have large breasts.

Okay, so what's large and what's small? How do you know? I see a woman claiming that she is a 32J yet the person beside her looks at her with absolute horror, because she looks smaller than the 36C over there. But, it's all about proportion. For example, a DD cup does not mean anything at all unless you attach a number to it. That DD may actually have the same size breast as an E or even F. The ratio between the band size (which is essentially your underbust or ribcage measurement) and the cup is what determines the true size. Need more clarification? Check out this fantastic blog that explains it detail.

In my search for the perfect bra, I've come across many web sites but I fell in love with one: Butterfly Collection. From the moment I spoke to the owner, Claire Dumican, I could tell that this will be the beginning of a very beautiful relationship. First of all, she did not make me feel like a number. Her customer service is exemplary and I mean impeccable. Moreover, she is extremely skilled at figuring out sizing even over the phone! She doesn't need the thick glasses or the measuring tape around her neck, though I do love her accent. (Okay, I confess, I love everything British, but that's besides the point.) Claire treated me like a person. The best part -  she was not trying to make a sale. Unlike department stores who encourage you to buy the same bra in many colours before you even try it, Claire suggested that I buy just one bra to make sure the size is right before proceeding to buy more.

So I've told you why I'm in love with Claire (mainly because she made my pain go away and because she is generally awesome) but let me tell you why I love the web site. For starters, Butterfly Collection has one of the most accurate bra size calculators I've seen. Give it a shot, if only for the sake of curiosity. The bras they offer are not dull. I am tired of wearing beige, white and black. The small band big cup bras come in a variety of bright and beautiful colours. It is truly lingerie. The bras are not only functional but also quite pretty and the detailing is exquisite. Butterfly Collection is Canadian and prices are in Canadian dollars. Shipping is also FREE in Canada & USA, no minimum order. Should I keep going? Okay...

The other thing I like about Butterfly Collection is that they do Skype fittings. Yes, you read that right - Skype fittings. If you're not camera shy, they can help you determine your proper fit on Skype. You obviously don't undress in front of the camera (there is modesty involved you know) but they could easily tell you what fits and what doesn't, what the problems are with your current fit and how well the bra you bought fits. I bought the Cleo Lucy Bra after speaking to Claire and based on her size recommendation. It's perfect and I love it! I never used the Skype service, though I did take pictures of myself in the bra and sent them to Claire to help determine if the bra fits properly. I know, it sounds quite creepy when I say it out loud. I sent semi nude pictures of myself to a person I've never met before. This is how comfortable Claire made me feel. She instantly recognized my problem and recommended the right size in the bra I liked.

The bra fits snugly around my rib cage and cups the breasts beautifully. It has a very delicate and attractive look to it. I really like that the bra is not padded. For some reason, fully padded bras never worked for my shape. The Lucy Bra is also very supportive. The band carries the majority of the weight as opposed to the shoulders. I love the lace details on the edges; it looks very pretty (i.e. sexy). Initially the wires seem tight but they still lie flat against the chest. As I wore it, the bra started to stretch yet still hugged my chest quite snug. I have to say, so far, it looks like this is the best bra I have ever owned. I really love this bra and will be buying it in other colours.

Something else that sets Butterfly Collection apart from other online retailers is their description of the bra fit as well as their models. When you click on the link to a bra, it includes a detailed section outlining the fit of the bra and whether it runs true to size or smaller/bigger in the band or cup. Not only that, but also they make it easier by figuring it all out for you, so that all you have to do is actually input your usual size and they will determine what size in that bra will fit. They don't keep you in the dark either; they declare the fit of the bra in bold red on the details page so you're not alarmed when you purchase the bra and discover that the label does not match the size you ordered. Something else that is unique to them which I don't see very often are the images of real models. I mean real people who are not airbrushed and homogenized like you see on Victoria's Secret. I'm not sure exactly what Victoria's secret is but I sure as hell don't want to know it. Butterfly Collection does not airbrush what makes those women real. The models to not have concave tummies and flat butts. And they most certainly do not have quadraboobs. If I want quadraboobs I can go to Victoria's Secret, thank you very much.

Last but not least, is the pricing issue. You know I'm all about frugal this and that. However, in this case, you truly get what you pay for. In general, many of the bras sold by Butterfly Collection are found in only two local boutiques here in Nova Scotia. However, Butterfly Collection offers those bras at a wider range of sizes and at a fraction of the price compared to the local boutiques. And yes, that includes that ridiculous boutique downtown (not naming any names here) that sells one bra for $300. I realize that the health of my boobs is important but if I can't pay my mortgage or put food on the table, my boobs will be the least of my worries. The average bra price on Butterfly Collection is between $50 to $70. You can get a better deal on sale days too. Even at regular price, it is still quite reasonable compared to the insane prices we are asked to pay here in the city for the non-generic sizes.

I'm in the process of ordering more bras from Butterfly Collection. I think they are my favourite bra store now. I will post more about the other bras once I've had a chance to try them. All in all, I'd say that Butterfly Collection is one of the best bra stores in Canada. They are a perfect package deal that offers beauty, variety, and excellent customer service coupled with honest and accurate information about sizing regardless of it's impact on their making a sale. For small women with well endowed chests, Butterfly Collection is heaven.

So, I haven't been updating as frequently because my schedule has a tendency to implode. I didn't even exercise at all this week. That being said, I've had a number of things going on which have prevented me from sticking to said schedule. BUT (and you know there's always a but) even though I have not exercised, and I even indulged a bit, I managed to lose yet another couple of pounds, which brought my total loss up to 142 pounds. I'm not trying to gloat here. What I'm trying to say, is that once you set your body on the right path, it will do it's thing. My metabolism is finally working properly, so that even if I mess up for a couple of days, there's a grace period, provided I don't push my luck. That means that I can have a treat maybe twice a week, but a piece of that ooey gooey yummy cocoa and cream cake is going to tip the scales if I eat it everyday. Despite the fact that Jane down the road can eat her face off and down a tub of Ben & Jerry's and still hover around 130 pounds, my body cannot handle that kind of treatment and will eventually explode to unmanageable proportions.

I think our bodies are well oiled machines; take care of them and they'll take care of you. Imagine a car that you drive hard, forget to change the oil, neglect to replace break pads, skip the engine flush, and don't bother with rust proofing. How much life do you think you will get out of that car, even if one day you decide to fix what is broken? The damage would have been done and the rust will have eaten through the break lines and the frame. Keep your body in tip top shape and it will drive you from point A to point B. Treat it with respect and it will provide you with the same courtesy. Okay, now that I've managed to say that with a straight face, let's move on.

I would like to give you some insight into the aftermath of the storm so to speak. Approximately 3 weeks into maintenance and after following a strict regimen where I am finally "free" (if that is what you want to call it) from the shackles of fatdom, I can tell you that it feels good to walk down the street and have no one give me the sympathy look. Seriously, it's so good to just blend in. I know people normally want to stand out, but I am so glad to just blend into the background. It's an incredibly comforting thought that I am now not special in that fat way.

What I find difficult and still a struggle is the fact that I have to constantly bridge the gap in my mind between what is healthy and unhealthy. I still have to talk myself into NOT eating an extra muffin, or that chocolate bar that's been hanging out in the cupboard for the last month. I have to coax and massage my mind to let go of the idea that it needs those chocolate chip pretzels also sitting in the cupboard (which happen to be right next to the chocolate bar - I tell ya, those things come with their own posse, and the powers of be are conspiring against me, and what is that stuff doing in my cupboard anyway and who bought it?) Surely, this is not what "skinny bitches" (because that's what many people call me nowadays; it's become a term of endearment at this point) think about all day. Ah yes, this is what fat people have to put up with, because I am still fat on the inside, and let me just say that I don't say fat with a negative connotation, but if you've been following this blog then you already know that I have no problem with the word fat. I just think it's accurate and also I'm a very busy and disjointed person with a self destructing schedule so I don't have time to type proper politically correct terms that all mean "fat" anyway.

Moving on, because I am still fat on the inside, I still hear whispers from the kitchen. That darn KitKat bar is calling out to me but I have to continuously dampen it's plea for me to come eat it until it's voice becomes background chatter. I have to tune it out like white noise, otherwise I'm just going to eat it and spoil my appetite which will prevent me from eating a good healthy bowl of green beans and roast chicken and then my life will spiral out of control and into a series of very miserable events that will cause the moon to split in half and the world to turn sideways which will lead me to shoot myself in the face (yes, I'm deranged, overworked and frazzled). Long story short, for now I am behaving and sticking to my plan of remaining healthy. I did it to become healthy and I want to stay healthy, so healthy it shall be. And now you'll have to excuse me because I have a function to go to this evening and there are people attending said function who are depending on me to make cupcakes.

The pros and cons of losing weight vary from one person to another, but there are some variables that remain constant. Some of the things I found interesting on my journey to lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle...

- The only person who truly cares about your weight loss is you, because you are the harshest critic when it comes to judging yourself

- It takes an enormous amount of will, motivation, and discipline to lose over 100 pounds; that teaches you how to overcome some of your shortcomings, deal with your weaknesses, or even incorporate them into something productive

- Fear of failure is infinitely more powerful than the desire for success

- The guilt that comes with eating unhealthy foods will most likely stay with you for life, even after you reach your goal weight

- People fall into 3 groups; those who are truly happy for you, those who are jealous of your success, and those that want nothing to do with you after you lose weight

- The possibility that some family and friends will cut off communication with you to the bare minimum because you remind them of what they could not achieve or their failure to lose weight

- The identifying glance between fat people will become confusing to some because you look at them with a familiarity yet they see the slim you and don't understand why you are so friendly; they are used to being treated with disdain

- Eating a rich meal/dessert will taste good going down but will feel like shit within half an hour (making you swear off treats altogether)

- Before you lost weight you couldn't jog because you were too heavy and your joints would scream at you every time you tried; now that your weight is not an issue you still cannot jog because you have exercise induced asthma and you're supposed to walk instead of run... you just can't win

- It is possible to fit into a size Small after fitting into a size 4X for half your life

- How inspiring your success could be to those who also wish to lose weight even if it's jealousy or contempt that motivates them

- It takes a wonderful husband to constantly remind you of your success even if it's in the subtle statements he makes

- There will always be people who refuse to attribute success to all your hard work and instead are more comfortable believing that you are sick or have some disease that is causing you to lose weight

- You will end up wasting a lot of clothes, and there will be days when you won't want to go out because you literally have nothing to wear that does not fall off your waist (that includes underwear)

- Second hand clothing stores are possibly the best idea EVER

- Even your feet will lose weight and you will end up with footwear that might have been extremely uncomfortable in the past but is now part of your essential wardrobe

- Make no mistake, your bra size will change too, though that may not include the cup size which makes it infinitely more complicated to find a style that properly fits

- Being able to wake up in the morning without heartburn or lead-belly is a feeling that can't be beat, not even for chocolate lava cake

- You will go from absolutely dreading it to looking for opportunities to exercise (including the 20 minute walk in minus 1000 degree wind chill with a lame excuse like grabbing the mail)

- That you can still appreciate fat jokes (and ones about skinny people too)

Since losing weight I've had a lot of people compliment me on all my hard work. The majority of them believe that I lost the weight by banning all the foods I love and doing all the exercise I hate. They are often surprised when I mention how instrumental my dietitian was in helping me lose weight.

I've been told that perhaps I'm giving too much credit to my dietitian and not enough to myself for managing my weight loss. I have to stress that I don't think I could have lost that much weight without her help. A dietitian is someone who helps me create a balanced meal plan that is suitable for my body. She also helps me maintain my weight loss by motivating and encouraging me when I don't believe I can do it, or also keeping me from jumping off a cliff on those days when I'm adamant that it was the cupcake I had for my daughter's birthday that prevented me from losing an extra pound this week. Frequent weigh-ins with my dietitian keep me accountable to myself; to know that the weight loss is attributed to an effort I put in as opposed to sheer luck, and the weeks I gain weight are not necessarily a result of something I did. The visits help me stay focused on the positives. As a fat person I already give myself grief about my weight; I don't need a dietitian to do that for me. Similarly, I don't need someone to remind me that if I don't lose weight I could die from heart disease. That's the doctor's job (which he does very well).

I believe a good dietitian is a food therapist if you will. They're not interested in judging you or the choices you make, rather in helping you make better choices that will ultimately bring you closer to your desired goal. That includes, but is not limited to, giving you the freedom to eliminate foods you don't like, and eating the foods you do like, within reason, if those foods are not part of a healthy meal plan. Typical by-the-book dietitians are a lot like banks in that they put everyone in a series of buckets. You fit in bucket A, B or C; high risk, medium risk, or low risk investment. If you want something more tailored to suit your needs, then you may want to invest with an actual funds company that specializes in nothing but investments as opposed to a bank who offers homogenized investment opportunities. A by-the-book dietitian labels and puts you in one of those buckets because it's easier for them to do that than to customize a bucket just for you. A good dietitian is one who puts the effort into knowing you and your life style, and customizes an individual plan that will work for you. The difference between the two is subtle, but it's apparent in the little things they do and speaks volumes about their perception of fat people.

I have yet to see a fat dietitian. Most of the ones I know are skinny or average at most. So naturally, they lack the "fat perspective". Don't get me wrong, they know all about fat and what it does, but they have no clue of what it's like to go through life being fat. Fat people know they are fat; they are not in denial about it. There's a portion of the population who think fat people deliberately overeat, and don't care how they look. That may be true for some but not all of us. I have yet to meet a fat person that has not tried to lose weight in some way. Why do you think weight loss scams are so successful? It's because fat people know they are not accepted. They want to fit in and in doing so they try methods that may or may not be successful. Some of us like to eat just as there are some people who like to drink, gamble, or what have you. The difference is that as a society we have been trained to see beauty in skinny people, whereas a fat person resembles whatever we find repulsive.

Typical dietitians (or skinny ones) have not gone through life with the nickname porky, pudgy, or fatso. They were not teased about their weight on the playground and were not ridiculed by classmates in gym class - not for their weight. As adults they don't get the brush off at high end clothing stores, and unfriendly smirks in sporting goods stores. Indeed, I have lost over 115 pounds in the last year; I've gone down from a size 4X to a size Small, but I'm still fat on the inside. I identify very much with fat people and I still see skinny people as outsiders. I think like a fat person. I still go into stores and subconsciously end up at the plus size section even though nothing fits me there any more. I still like the styles targeted towards fat people. It's nauseating when I walk into the high end clothing stores nowadays, to see the very same clerks who brushed me off 6 months ago swarming all around me to sell me something that not's even full price but rather a clearance item, so it's not a commission related thing. That is what I find repulsive. The fact that I couldn't get a clerk to even notice me when I walked into the store 6 months ago, or the ones that look me up and down and then say they'll be right there, and the striking difference in their treatment when I walked into the same store last week and saw the same clerk who greeted me with a big smile and even complimented me on my choice of outfit; it's astounding. That's the treatment I was accustomed to for the last 20 years of my life. As a result, I tend to pick up on those little involuntary yet derogatory gestures. I get it at most places, and sometimes I even expect it, but not at the dietitian's office. It's my safe haven; it's the place where I can safely admit that I am fat, that I don't like being fat, and that I want to change it. It's the last place I would expect to feel judged. If you feel judged at the dietitian's office, then someone let you down. If your dietitian judges you then they have failed you and themselves.

My relationship with dietitians and nutritionists in the past has been rocky. I've been told what foods I should eat and which ones I should not eat - should being the keyword. A good dietitian does not should all over you, rather suggests that you avoid certain foods, not all the time, but most of the time. I've seen moderate dietitians, and some really horrible ones. I can't recall the number of times, for example, that I've been told I have to eat cottage cheese for breakfast, despite alerting the dietitian to the fact that I would rather eat a bullet then put cottage cheese in my mouth. When a dietitian lumps you into one of the usual categories for fat people, they are inadvertently telling you that they don't really care about your health or the effort you are making to maintain a healthy lifestyle, because by limiting your options they ensure that you will not be able to maintain healthy eating habits. It's unrealistic to expect someone to eat a food they hate everyday. A good dietitian knows that. By the same token, it's unrealistic to expect someone to give up a favourite food forever. Telling some one who eats a cupcake everyday that they cannot have them any more is ridiculous, and guarantees that this person will never be able to maintain a healthy lifestyle. A black and white approach to food is not conducive to any kind of change let alone a positive one. A good dietitian is flexible and understands the value of compromise. Instead of having a cupcake once everyday, we can start by limiting cupcakes to 2 times a week and take it from there. The goal of both you and your dietitian is to create and maintain a healthy lifestyle without adding stress. It's those little things that to anyone else come across as insignificant but what it tells you is that the dietitian actually cares about helping you achieve your goal and is not simply labelling you to fit into some pre-set notion of what others think you should be.

I guess in a nutshell I would say that the difference between a dietitian and a good dietitian, is that the former treats you like a patient, whereas the latter treats you like a customer.

Before I go on about today's rant to demonstrate why so many people are reluctant to see a dietitian, I would like to respond to the many people who asked about my diet plan. I do not follow any special "diet". I think all diets are fads, and fail eventually. What I've done is essentially a lifestyle change. I incorporated a healthy meal plan along with exercise, and the additional guidance of a dietitian. Basically, I limit sugar, fat and sodium intake, increase my exercise to 4 or 5 times a week, and my dietitian helps me do that. This is not something I am doing just to lose the weight, but rather a shift or change in behaviour that I hope will remain with me for the rest of my life. 

Many people have asked me for the 'recipe' or secret method to my weight loss. I don't have one and don't know of any one method but what I do know is this. There is a reason why weight loss programs don't work the same for everyone. Successful weight loss programs often incorporate proper diet and exercise and more importantly guidance and accountability. I believe that a good dietitian is essential to successful weight loss. Not any dietitian; it has to be someone you like and get along with. If you do not like your dietitian you will resent the appointments and the weigh ins, and his/her advice will fall on deaf ears. I like my dietitian; I trust her advice and I appreciate her help very much. Open communication and a certain social chemistry is necessary to achieve your goal weight and more importantly, to feel healthy and happy. This week I was confronted with this reality. My dietitian was out sick with a cold, so to keep the schedule running smoothly, her office typically gets another dietitian to fill in while she's gone. This was the third time I saw someone other than her. The other times she was away, I saw a really nice lady who was equally professional. Unfortunately, this week, I saw a different person who was not too nice (which I think represents the majority of dietitians I've met during my never ending cycle of trying to lose weight). Where do I start?

The first thing I noticed and which caught me off guard was how rude she was. She cut me off mid sentence, several times. It seemed she was not interested in how I was really doing or what I had to say. She just wanted to hear herself speak.

She also provided unsolicited advice. She suggested (and I'm using this word liberally here) that I change some aspects of my diet because she does not think it will work. For example, she rhetorically asked "Can you eat some other fruit, because bananas have too much natural sugars in them and I typically don't recommend them to my patients any more than 3 times a week". She made two mistakes; a) she assumed I'm a typical patient which implied that she did not even look in my file to learn that in less than a year I have lost over 100 pounds, all the while eating bananas more than 3 times a week and b) she provided advice that indirectly undermined the expertise of my original dietitian; very unprofessional. She insisted she was right even though I mentioned that my dietitian never brought this up as it was never an issue and I have been losing weight steadily despite eating bananas more than 3 times a week sometimes.

I was offended by her condescending attitude. She complained about my meal plan and what she perceived as a lack of variety. Instead of asking me if I'm okay with the recipes or foods that I am eating, she arrogantly asked if I see myself following this meal plan for the rest of my life because she was concerned about the "lack of variety". When I confirmed yes, she insisted that "some people just do this until they lose weight and then they go back to eating unhealthy" implying that I'm going to be one of those people. I had to bite my tongue and politely explain to her that I do all my meals in advance and that as long as I like something, I don't have a problem eating it several times a week. I also explained that due to family history and other health issues, I am well aware of lifestyle changes and that I have no intention of going back to unhealthy habits. I did not think I had to explain myself to her and I felt like it was more of an interrogation as opposed to a discussion. I was offended.

She was unprofessional at best. She hadn't read my file and was not interested until I told her that I lost over 100 pounds. She was surprised and congratulated me but did not seem very genuine. This was confirmed later as I left the office. On my way out, I spoke to the receptionist. I advised her that my husband is interested in registering with my dietitian because he is impressed by how much weight I lost and he's looking to lose some too. I explained that he wants to see the same person I see. At that point, the dietitian interjected and stated with an exasperated tone that he can see her and that she's "had patients who lost over 100 pounds too". Clearly, she was interested in neither me nor my husband, but rather in her own image and how she appeared around the office. It was fairly obvious to me that she was resentful of my original dietitian. I don't really care about all that; it's office politics. However, it should not be apparent to the customer. It reflects badly on the entire organization.

In short, that dietitian had nothing good to say, complained about my eating habits and in general made a bad impression. I felt that she spoke down to me. I left the appointment feeling negative and completely unmotivated. If she was my dietitian I would not have lost all the weight I did. I shudder to think of how she makes others who have not had as much success as I've had feel. If I were part of upper management, I would make sure she goes nowhere near people. She is best served in a back office somewhere doing redundant paperwork. That's about all her brain can handle.

Though on the upside, it takes skill to be this ineffective at your job, and she's got it.